As the saying goes, time flies. Aidan is now 6 years old-soon to be 7. He is in first grade and I am super proud of the person he is becoming. He is thoughtful, sensitive, reflective, full of good humor and he's an expert on Star Wars and Lego construction. His reading and math skills are above grade level and he's doing excellent in school. Like all young people, he is learning what true responsibility, effort, sharing and compromise mean. This past year, he became involved in swim class at the CRA and we just bought his first pair of Nordic skis together. He is a natural and strong budding athlete even if he is shy to participate in large group settings.
SEEING THROUGH HIS EYES/LISTENING TO WHO HE IS
As a family we discussed the question of whether to teach Aidan Alpine or Nordic skiing. Even though I have much more experience as a downhill skier, it became apparent that the better choice-for Aidan- and therefore all of us was to have him learn Nordic skiing. His sensitive (thoughtful, introverted) temperament forces us to look at life through his eyes and many things become illuminated in ways that they weren't before. Suddenly, downhill skiing seemed loud, crowded, fast and superficial. The better, obvious choice for Aidan-and us- was to go the Nordic route. I look forward to spending time teaching him how to ski-and having our many skiing friends weigh in. I can't think of a better way to spend time together-outside in the (quiet) woods, gliding along on the snow, talking and sharing with each other. Just as hiking is something we can do as a family, cross country skiing is too. (Mom has never been a huge fan of downhill skiing and with her multiple knee surgeries, it is now a dangerous proposition). Incidentally, I am brand new to cross country (skate) skiing myself and have so much to learn. But I like the idea of learning with Aidan. This doesn't mean we will never ski downhill (I would miss it!) it means that for now, as a start, we go the route that matches our son's temperament and capacities.
'PRIVATE POWER'It took a book- QUIET: THE POWER OF INTROVERTS to fully understand and embrace my own nature as well as that of my wife and son. As Susan Cain eloquently argues in her TED Talk (see below), introverts are often overlooked and misunderstood in a 'world that can't stop talking'. She calls on business people and teachers to 'stop the mania' for groupthink. I have known my whole life I do better and more thorough (and more creative) work when I can work alone with lots of uninterrupted time. My ability to think clearly and express myself is indirectly proportional to the size of the group I am with. Large groups (and the noise and chaos that comes with them) short circuit my brain and sap my energy. This is true for my wife as well. It is now becoming evident that our son experiences life the same way. After I read Quiet this past summer, I saw my son in a whole new light and realized the daily struggle he endures at school--the same one we endure as teachers. We have to "prepare" to enter the schools where we teach and learn since they are, by their nature, crowded, noisy places where extroverts and compulsive individuals rule the day whether or not they have anything valuable to add or not. One day early in the school year as he was waiting for the bus, I leaned over and whispered in my son's ear: "Remember your Private Power. We love you." He smiled and nodded his head and, in that moment, it seemed like a weight was lifted. Since then, Private Power has evolved to mean many things to him..and it is up to him to define. But in all cases it is that inner trust that he is OK as he is-that he doesn't have to blurt out answers at school in a rush to be "first to answer". It is the inner quiet he can summon when the bus ride becomes just a bit too noisy and chaotic. It is the knowledge that we are "there" no matter what is going on with him. His Private Power allows him to feel worthy when others try to dominate or manipulate him in social situations. Etc..
2013: GROWING UP/BEING THE EXAMPLE
So much learning takes place in one's 7th year of life. The increased ability to read opens up the world to little people and they begin to make so many more connections and their imaginations are ignited. I also know that, more than ever he is WATCHING and LISTENING. In 2013, I am even more dedicated to listening to who Aidan is and I am compelled to live by example so he can make good choices going forward.
As Stephen Sondheim wrote in Into The Woods:
Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say "Listen to me"
Children will listen
Careful the wish you make Wishes are children
Careful the path they take
Wishes come true, not free
Careful the spell you cast
Not just on children
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you
Careful the tale you tell
That is the spell
Children will listen
