It's been a year. Our baby boy is no longer a baby. He practices independence at every turn. He nearly walks. Soon he will run. He has favorites. He has preferences. He tries to communicate and gets frustrated. He melts people with one look or one smile. He spreads happiness wherever he goes.
He longs to go "out" and shares when he's desiring a change of scene: "All Done." I spend every possible moment with him. We play, go for walks, watch Baby Einstein together and we've been known to go out to eat together...Father and Son. Once, we went to the local diner at 7 am in feet pajamas. That was an excellent social experiment. It really taxed the brains of the 'old folks' who were regulars. "A young man with a baby? How sad, do you think the wife passed...?"
So what have I learned and how have I changed? The first thing I learned is related to the diner story above: People, especially older women, are incredibly and ignorantly biased against active Fathers. In the first few months of Aidan's life, I thought about blogging this dozens of times. It seemed nearly every day I was indirectly insulted by a "well meaning" woman (typically aged 45+). Whether it was the assumption of ineptitude, "You better be helping your wife!" or False, condescending praise: "You're doing a good job, ha ha ha..." (as in, isn't that cute, he's trying to take care of the baby, ha ha ha). My favorite, though, would be the women who after hearing the baby cry in public would automatically say, "What did you do to him? Better get him home to his Mom (presumably, that's where he belongs?)
Granted, Parenthood is about learning. Nobody, man or woman, is prepared for the immense difficulty, challenges and rewards of Parenthood. These days, however, most couples are approaching the task as a duo, sharing and juggling the job as needed. That's certainly what we have done. There is no assumption that my wife is the expert and my job is just to bring in the money. Far from it...We Both read to him, play with him, change him, love him. It's about us loving our child and giving him a strong foundation of support from a Man and a Woman: His Parents.
Second, Preparation for Parenthood pales in comparison to the real thing. I am of the opinion that it is impossible to know true unconditional love without being a Parent. I used to think prior to becoming a Parent that people were just being glib when they used to say, "you have no idea....". But it's true. You don't have a clue. The sacrifice, lack of sleep, unpredictability of it all is only learned on the job. So, Oprah, lose the "Hardest Job In the World" crap. YOU HAVE NO CLUE! To those of us in the know, you ARE being glib. And you, especially, don't have a clue about what it is to be a Working Father! Why is it only hard to be a Working Mother? That is well intentioned but, ultimately, biased thinking.
Third, I see the world differently. Period. There is always something greater than the situation I am in at the moment. That Something Greater is the fact of my Fatherhood and my Forever-Connection to my precious and beautiful son. I love him. I want him safe. I want him happy. Every minute of every day. Period. Everything else is, um, Not. So Important.
My life is deeper. My life is richer, Being a Dad.
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