Things I Learn from My 3 Year-Old

My son, who is three, has a new hobby of building elaborate "mouse houses" on our (king size) bed with all the pillows and blankets within 20 sq. feet.. These houses appear to serve as cushioned bunkers 'just in case' the Big Mouse should come along and, well, SCARE us. The Mouse House building is important stuff with speciifc technical details that I am not privvy to no matter how hard I try to understand the intricacies of Mouse House building. I am corrected repeatedly about proper Mouse House building. I adjust. I adapt. I follow my son's instructions. I get it right! Or so I think. But the rules keep changing. The carrot gets harder to reach or it disappears completely. The "rules" become more elaborate/elusive.

That's about the time I ask if the Big Mouse is coming. Should we take cover? If I ASK the question, the answer is "No, not yet.". If I declare that, in fact, the Big Mouse is coming right now, "Quick, hide!" then it becomes a reality and my son plays along. We hide in whatever lame, half-conceived Mouse House is available at the moment. Then we share a great moment of suspense and togetherness until the Big Mouse is gone (or tickles our feet or fails to materialize altogether)

As an always-reflecting Educator, I take away these nuggets from these experiences with my son:

1- How often have I as a teacher moved the carrot (or changed the rules, or had vague lessons or no clear assessment/accountability) causing frustration for my students?

2- How often have I allowed the stronger personalities in a class to rule the day despite my best plans for learning?

3- How often have I simply and explicity declared what we're doing and held fast without fail for the benefit of all (becauseI know my intentions are good and the material is rich and worth knowing).

4- Do I stay focused on the Big Mouse? In other words, how meaningful and relevant is all the learning we're doing in the first place? Can it be better? Does it have traction? Will it be remembered and retained?

Have the habits to learn new things been instilled, stimulated and nurtured so that, I, as teacher no longer cease to be required? So that learning resides with the Learner.

Finally, since we know that an emotional experience is more memorable than an "informational" experience, to what extent are feelings of 'intimate anticipation' and 'excitement' palpable in my classroom. Is it still my classroom or is it our classroom where we all construct, deconstruct, start again, change, adapt, pause, reflect, share and start again?

When A Cat Goes Missing

She's gone. Our cat Sinki (shortened from Helsinki), that is. No explanation. She just vanished like the Mayans. Nobody remembers her escaping the house (she's a housecat). Yet here we are-four days on-with no cat. We've scoured the neighborhood, the attic, any nook and cranny on the outside of the house in and in the yard.

Her brother, Russell (the cat) cries for her and we all have an ache in our heart which is made all the more pointed when a two-year-old asks for an explanation or when he calls out for her as we walk the street searching.

Who knows the inner workings of cats? Why do they disappear? For what reason leaving behind a mystery that at least until now remains unsolved.

We love you Sinki. Come back home.

I Went To The Butterfly Garden With Brendan!

This week was great! I went to the Butterfly garden with my friend Brendan and his Mom, Jen. We saw so many cool butterflies. There were even goldfish under the bridge. When we got tired, we sat on the bench. Brendan was hungry so he stared at me. Then I gave him my pretzel because I remembered that Elmo said it's nice to share.

The Wisdom of "No!"

digital native
Originally uploaded by dharmacat

He's two.
I say: "What's your name?"
He says: "No."
"How old are you?"
"No!"
"Would you like to go outside, eat pizza, and generally have a great time right now?"
"No!!!!"

See, there's wisdom in "no". As a teacher, it probably took me 5-6 years before I realized that the first answer to any question (by a student) should be "no".

There's room to compromise after that. "Yes" creates problems. I anticipate using the word "no" a lot in the coming years, lest I hear:
"But you SAID!!....."

Snot Removal in Macy's

It happened. He sneezed. Big. We were in Macy's. Women's shoes. What to do? Like Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man my eyes squinted as I looked for the answer scanning the store. Bam! The answer. 1 o'clock. Black Pumps. With the tissue paper stuff still stuffed inside them. I pounced, unstuffed, unraveled and wiped. He smiled. And we continued on until we got to perfume. Ahhhh-Choo!! I barehanded this one and walked casually out into the Great Mall Beyond. To Pretzel-time where I stole wads of napkins and wiped. The bathroom at Best Buy worked perfectly to remove the evidence.

Back to Macy's. Men's section. Shirts. Ahhh-Chooo! I cussed. The s-word.

"Dada, shit?"

(then a few seconds of silence)

"That's right, Dada's gonna buy a shit."

Toddler Takes Maiden Voyage on Bike

maiden voyage
Originally uploaded by dharmacat

Here's me on my bike! I love it. The new kitchen gives me so much space to ride. I find that riding barefoot is beneficial. I get some good traction this way. I put bear in the trunk so he's safe and won't fall. When I run over chips, it makes a crunch and then it makes one hundred million thousand more chips!! That's when I back up and make one hundred million thousand more chips. Then Dada picks me up WITH MY BIKE, too!! He takes me all the way to the sun room. Then he picks up the one hundred million thousand chips. After lunch, I'll bring the bike back in the kitchen, so me and Dada can play again. I'll have chips for lunch. I'll drop some and say "Uh Oh!" Tee Hee.

Home Improvements With A Toddler In The House

Dad here: So, we're doing some home improvements. Specifically, we're doing a complete kitchen remodel. This is a time when you get to live in hell (or at least purgatory) for about a month. We did plan ahead though...the makeshift kitchen is in the garage. And the "dining room" is also the playroom, sun room, and living room. Imagine this. Now imagine this with a toddler and all of his 'stuff' strewn about (this is where the hell part comes in). Being child-centric, we thought it best to not disturbed youngster's routine (are you laughing yet).

Youngster, as he has previously reported, is pushing two years old. Only thing is, his real age is two while he is actually 21 months old. It is always a bad thing when your real age is older than your chronological age (just ask Dr. Roizen). So amidst the stuff and the trying to live like we're camping here are some recent gems:

1- Little Man Repeatedly turning the TV on and off (remote is broken) while proudly proclaiming "on", "on", "on","on". (We don't regularly watch TV, but when your house looks like ground zero and you live like a pilgrim, The Situation Room is oddly comforting and you need to watch it undisturbed for its full calming affect.)

2- Observing our handsome devil climb on top of, then stand on top of the coffee table, then stretch his arms out by his sides then smile like a devil and say "no mama" "no, mama" no, no no" (once removed, this behavior is repeated).

3- Constantly (really, constantly) making the animal train crash through the room with giraffe and monkey in tow causing me to have a severe case of get-this-freakin'-tune-out-of-my-head: "hop on board the animal train, come on every one!...learning about animals sure is lots of fun....." Oh, and I sprained my ankle on elephant the other morning....

4- My son keeps telling me about the "two dada's". I ask him about this: "Aidan, how many dada's are there?". He smiles big and says, "TWO DADAAAAAAAAAA".

Which reminds me...I need to have a chat with my wife.......about........the contractor(s).

I Can Walk!!!

Woohoo! I can walk! I can walk. Today, I went to the park with my friends. Some of them have been walking for a few weeks already. I decided to try it out. I was a little wobbly but I did it!! This is great. Now I can walk all the way back to the slide ladder and go up and down all day!

Walking Rocks!

I Like Big Dogs!

Even though I have 2 cats I like dogs. My friends have these really really big dogs! This is me with one of them. One of here eyes doesn't work but I love her anyway.

Slides Rock!

These things are cool.
I sit down and fly fast fast fast!!
Dad or Mom catch me and I get to do it again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again..............................................................................................!

First Year Dad-Top Ten List

It's been a year. Are you kidding? Sometimes it feels like he was born yesterday. Then again, at other times, I feel like he was born eons ago and this has been the longest year EVER. Such is the role of parenting: experiencing/feeling/perceiving polar opposite realities simultaneously on a regular basis.

This is typified in the statement 'parenting is the hardest job you'll love.' Cliche or not, it's true for me. Here's my top ten list which may or may not be useful for new Dad's everywhere:

1-Understand that the definition of Down Time will change dramatically. Down Time nowadays is going to the bathroom, mowing the lawn, driving to the grocery store, going to work. Really.

2-Sleep as much as you can. Resist the temptation to stay up late working on that iTunes playlist....baby will decide to get up at 5:30 tomorrow.

3-Realize that your priorities will change. You won't resent this..in fact, it's a huge relief. Stuff that seemed like huge problems in the past will simply become mild annoyances. This includes problems at work. NOTHING matters more than the Big Picture of your Fatherhood!

4-You'll catch yourself checking out families that you see out in public.

5-You will learn and know the definition of unconditional love. This is automatic on the birth of your baby. You thought you knew. But, oh no, sir....not until the baby is born.

6-You will appreciate your wife/spouse in ways that were never before possible because the connection is deeper now. Period.

7-You thought you had a lot of stuff? Nothing compares to baby gear! Good Luck packing for that first trip. That's an adventure in and of itself. And just when the car is packed, you'll be asked if you packed the excer-saucer yet? Um, no, I didn't. Add 1 more hour to the packing.

8-You'll actually not mind removing snot from baby's face. (Full disclosure: I used my bare hand to achieve this on the streets of Washington D.C.). Trust me: this won't seem so gross at a future time.

9-You'll discover that like puppies, babies attract women. Baby=chick magnet. Who knew?? Granted, you're too tired and too committed to your family to consider a dalliance but the attention's nice.

10-Nothing will EVER be the same again. Enjoy the ride. And Welcome aboard.

I Have An Idea For Halloween!

Just as My Aunt put this silly hat on my head at Easter 2007, I had an instant idea for Halloween this year...I'll go as Huckleberry Finn!

Food and Deep Thought Go Hand in Hand

Master Aidan is showing a deep love for food. he's quite serious about his eating as you can see here. Which is fantastic. I love cooking primarily because I love eating.

Thankfully, he has no problem with our quasi-veggie lifestyle. Some favorites of his: Hummus, Wheat Pitas, Gardenburgers, Veggie Cheese, Grapes, Bananas, Dates, Chicken Sausage, Applesauce and Broccoli.

Cheesy Smile

Humor is becoming evident at 13 months.

Being a Dad: One Year On

It's been a year. Our baby boy is no longer a baby. He practices independence at every turn. He nearly walks. Soon he will run. He has favorites. He has preferences. He tries to communicate and gets frustrated. He melts people with one look or one smile. He spreads happiness wherever he goes.

He longs to go "out" and shares when he's desiring a change of scene: "All Done." I spend every possible moment with him. We play, go for walks, watch Baby Einstein together and we've been known to go out to eat together...Father and Son. Once, we went to the local diner at 7 am in feet pajamas. That was an excellent social experiment. It really taxed the brains of the 'old folks' who were regulars. "A young man with a baby? How sad, do you think the wife passed...?"

So what have I learned and how have I changed? The first thing I learned is related to the diner story above: People, especially older women, are incredibly and ignorantly biased against active Fathers. In the first few months of Aidan's life, I thought about blogging this dozens of times. It seemed nearly every day I was indirectly insulted by a "well meaning" woman (typically aged 45+). Whether it was the assumption of ineptitude, "You better be helping your wife!" or False, condescending praise: "You're doing a good job, ha ha ha..." (as in, isn't that cute, he's trying to take care of the baby, ha ha ha). My favorite, though, would be the women who after hearing the baby cry in public would automatically say, "What did you do to him? Better get him home to his Mom (presumably, that's where he belongs?)

Granted, Parenthood is about learning. Nobody, man or woman, is prepared for the immense difficulty, challenges and rewards of Parenthood. These days, however, most couples are approaching the task as a duo, sharing and juggling the job as needed. That's certainly what we have done. There is no assumption that my wife is the expert and my job is just to bring in the money. Far from it...We Both read to him, play with him, change him, love him. It's about us loving our child and giving him a strong foundation of support from a Man and a Woman: His Parents.

Second, Preparation for Parenthood pales in comparison to the real thing. I am of the opinion that it is impossible to know true unconditional love without being a Parent. I used to think prior to becoming a Parent that people were just being glib when they used to say, "you have no idea....". But it's true. You don't have a clue. The sacrifice, lack of sleep, unpredictability of it all is only learned on the job. So, Oprah, lose the "Hardest Job In the World" crap. YOU HAVE NO CLUE! To those of us in the know, you ARE being glib. And you, especially, don't have a clue about what it is to be a Working Father! Why is it only hard to be a Working Mother? That is well intentioned but, ultimately, biased thinking.

Third, I see the world differently. Period. There is always something greater than the situation I am in at the moment. That Something Greater is the fact of my Fatherhood and my Forever-Connection to my precious and beautiful son. I love him. I want him safe. I want him happy. Every minute of every day. Period. Everything else is, um, Not. So Important.

My life is deeper. My life is richer, Being a Dad.

Eating Out

eating out
Originally uploaded by dharmacat.

As you can see, I enjoy fine dining out while reading the latest novels. Here, I enjoyed peas, carrots, kidney beans and kashi o's while learning that babies have happy smiles and that, sometimes, babies cry. I am not unlike these babies that I read about which encourages me.

My Hippo Rubber Mat serves as a prophylactic, protecting me from icky public germs. Also, I am free to hand feed myself which is my preference. You should try it! My Big Duck Bib keeps me sweater clean while I do this. Neat, really.

You should go out to eat like me. It's great fun. Oh, and did you know daddies love their babies? Mommies love their babies, too.

My Birthday is Soon!

I'm going to be ONE! I look WAY different now than I did last year. You can see for yourself here.

My favorite book now is Good Night Cape Cod
and, as you can see, Chicks dig me. Especially 90 year old ones. I smile at them.

Sweater Man

sweater
Originally uploaded by dharmacat.

I am a charmer.
You can see this in the photograph.
Stare into my eyes and I will win you over.
There is no resisting my charismatic nature.
You will fall mercilessly at my feet and entertain my every whim.

My girlfriend's name is Carly. She was born 4 days before me. At baby class, I pat her bum when she crawls near me. She giggles when I do that. Then I smile the way I'm smiling here. That's the smile that makes Carly crawl near in the first place.

I crawl, too. The cat's bowls are cool so I crawl to them. Dad drags me backwards when I do that but I crawl back to the cat bowls anyway because, as I said, I find them to be cool. I'll do this for an hour or so before Dad swipes me up and puts me in my saucer where I watch Baby Einstein Neighborhood Animals.

EIEIO!

Oh, I entered a Baby Gap contest. Wish me luck! And vote for me!!

Grandpa Gives Bottle

Grandpa loves me and gave me my bottle in Shelburne Falls on this beautiful fall afternoon. It happened to be Grandma's birthday!! I love when Grandma and Grandpa can visit me. Then I can play Whoop-de-doo with Grandpa on his knee!